And the sky was made of amethyst and all the stars were just like little fish...

 The album "Live Through This," by Hole came out 30 years ago today.

I know every note on that record. I can play many of the songs on guitar and/or bass and for 36 months it was one on HEAVY rotation in my musical soundscape. 1994 was a good year for my record collection, besides the Hole record others were:

Bakesale, Sebadoh

Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain, Pavement

Mellow Gold, Beck

There's Nothing Wrong with Love, Built to Spill

Grace, Jeff Buckley

Weezer S/T (Blue Record)

Strangers from the Universe, Thinking Feelers Union 282

Foolish, Superchunk

Ill Communication, Beastie Boys

The Coup, Genocide and Juice

The Crow soundtrack

Ruby Vroom, Soul Coughing

American Thighs, Veruca Salt

and of course Dookie by Green Day.

These are of course the bigger artists. 1994 was filled with small club musical experiences of all kinds of genres and that could be a separate blog post. San Francisco 1994 was filled with music of all sonic shapes and sizes.

"Live Through This" is probably first for me. I don't listen to it much, but when I do it instantly brings me back to a time and place emotionally. Living in SF, playing music with one of my musical heartbeats, and becoming an adult. 

A friend of mine from a thousand years ago came back into my life recently- thanks Instagram. And they asked me the other day if there are songs that I lose myself in and I have to say that "Violet," gets me every time. I understood the lyrics, I felt the lyrics. They were very similar to what I was writing in my journals at that time. Uncertain confidence. Naive and reckless. Scared and fierce. Goldfish memories.  Slow motion reality.  Friends. Romance. Laughs. Tears. Lots of drugs and alcohol. That is how I remember 1994.

Happy Anniversary to all the music of 1994.

I'm buried in this house, I'll never leave the floor. A page full of je t'aimes for you, I know I should have said it more.

 Looking back on a lot of my blog posts, I saw that death was what stirred my insides to write. I have been tippa-type-a on this blog business for the past decade(+) or so and the last 6 years for sure have been about loss. So. much. loss.

ANYWHO

When I was in my 20s, I wrote a lot about love. How love made me happy, crazy, sad, frustrated, depressed, resigned, kinda angry (and vague) and lost. 

I re-watched La La Land the other day. Parts of the movie resonate with me.

 Got me thinking - Do reconnections with old flames work out? What about reconnections from people of your past that maybe were not old flames, but part of your history. Do those relationships work out?

There is a fire (at least there was for me) when you are young that is often hard to contain and the people you share it with know how to hold it, smother it, fan it, and/or try to put it out. Now I am not saying that you can't have this later in life or anything. It is maybe because love the romantic kind is new to the 20 something psyche and it feels like "they do in the movies." So when you reconnect with someone from your past, there is a shared history, and a comforting context that sparks the flames again. 

All love stories can be great and can happen whenever, I believe that. 

But so many expire, fall away, or wash out with the tide. 

 A quick anecdote-

I have a friend who has had lots of serious love relationships. I asked her how is able to fall in love so much. Her answer to me was, "I believe in and never give up on love."  Huh. Okay back to La La Land...

When Mia goes through the "what if" montage when she is in the club and hears the tune I get that. I am always going to love you. Well done movie, you captured a moment that resonates with how I would describe a love scenario.

The romantification of it all is why La La Land works and why it is frustrating. It is like it is a love letter to love itself.  The part that works. The feeling that is left is one of ambiguity. The frustrating part. I am a person who needs a little more closure in a movie. I do like it though- the beauty, sadness, hope, forgiveness, and "what-ifs."

But I don't sit idly by... I'm planning a big surprise... I'm gonna fight for what I wanna be...

What a year. 

I realized I haven't done much blogging and I am okay with it.

Short-handed at work. Editing a book. Moving (yeah, we got a new place). 

Now we are deep into the holidays.

Life is busy and I am okay with it.

I spend more time in the car with my commute and so we have Sirius XM radio. Of course, I am a fan of the 1st Wave channel (#richardbladeforever) and the 70s channel. I listen to SiriusXMU to compliment listening to KEXP and listening to Pitchfork.com playlists, sometimes they play older indie hits. This popped up and I blasted it and started scream singing.

This record was a staple for me for at least a decade and "Waiting Room" is one of Fugazi's best tunes.

It felt good to be with the song. It brought back feelings and an energy that I sometimes miss.

The kid is really into the 1980s (especially the new wavers) and we listen to a lot of music from my youth which I totally don't mind. And I understand why people as they get older listen to the music that is familiar to them. Though I do my best to keep up with some new music, thanks Pitchfork, Brooklyn Vegan, and college radio.

This time of year is filled with all kinds of feelings. Missing friends and  family (okay, my grandmother) who are no longer of this earth. Dancing with the ghosts of Christmas past, drinking mulled wine with Christmas present ghost (I don't like mulled wine, but I dislike egg nog even more), and wondering what the ghost of Christmas future has in store for me.

A quick dance-

I loved living in San Francisco when I was in my 20s (and some of my 30s).

The other night we were in SF and as we were driving around at night, I felt reminiscent of living there and going out to see shows or having drinks at one of the million bars we went to -

Zeitgeist

Kilowatt- shows and a great bar!

Dr. Bombays

Drunk Tank

The Bitter End

Would You Believe? Cocktails

Toronado

The Gold Cane

Sadie's Flying Elephant

Plough and the Stars

Expansion

Lucky 13

Latin American

Orbit Room

Rat and Raven

Lexington

Dalva

End Up

Albion

Molotovs (or Midtown when it is was a better bar)

Purple Onion

Trocadero

Nightbreak, Thirsty Suede, Nightbreak

Boomerrang

Chameleon

El Rio

Lone Palm

Trad'r Sams

The Mint

Chances (later The Page)

There are more I am sure I am missing.

Whew! I used to drink a lot.

I don't do much bar-hoppin' these days.

I wonder- How many of these places are still around?

So far this holiday season has been nice and low stress (keep it up!) and the holiday spirits are suggesting to me that a few new traditions start in our household.

2024 is looking like it will be jam packed with a b'mitzvah, travel, lots of working, and hopefully a lot of laughs.

Maybe I will blog more in 24. 

 

You load 16 tons, what do you get? Another day older and deeper in debt. St. Peter, don't you call me 'cause I can't go--- I owe my soul to the company store...

Oakland. Oakland. Oakland. 

We have been looking at buying a house in Oakland on and off for about a year. It is frustrating for a variety of reasons. Not a lot of inventory, price(s), mortgage rates, blah, blah, blah all the stuff you read about in the news. 

This experience (so far) I have come away with some take-aways LIKE-

house stagings vary A LOT

"needs work" can mean anything from $10,000 to $300,000 in repairs

photos can be deceiving

realtor apps are amazing

you don't have to read every single word of a disclosure

open all doors

look out of all the windows

look up- example- went to a place the other day and the bathroom had been redone and there was a funky ceiling panel with weird fuzzy stuff coming out of it.

and down- example- there was a house that had a buckling floor in the corners of multiple rooms.

look at who your potential neighbors will be- examples 

    there was a place that had a hoarder next door, I can still see the broken Christmas lawn ornaments, half pitched tents, and 3 mowers on the front lawn

    another place had no parking (red flag) and the realtor said in passing at the open house that there was some discussion about the side yard with the neighbor- the side yard was filled with junk as was the front yard of the next door neighbor

Another major factor is that semi-decent places go over asking. Months ago places were going WAY over, now not so much, but they still are going over.  I don't get it, I understand it, but I don't get it.

And maybe it is because of the Idon'tknowhowmanyhouses we have looked at I only every think about 2. One that went over 100,000 over asking the other one was at the beginning of our journey and we didn't know what we were doing. 

Oakland is my home and I don't have any interest in living anywhere else. So fingers crossed that we find a place. But I am realistic and know that we may be renters for the foreseeable future.

Oh, drawn into the stream. Of undefined illusion, those diamond dreams. They can't disguise the truth...

 Our lil' g'ma gummers left this earth recently.

I got her as a wedding present for the husband. She was with us for almost 18 years. 

Such a complicated kitty cat. 

For the first handful of years of her life she didn't like women and a few select men. She insisted on licking the back of my husband's head. I know, gross. I was useful only when sleeping (we "shared" a pillow) and at feeding time.

Loretta loved my husband. He often did not meet her expectations. She wasn't afraid to let him know when she wasn't satisfied with a particular situation (like not sitting the correct way for her to sit the way she liked in his lap) or when he would not put our space heater on fast enough. 

Loretta was into the sun and the heater. Any sun that came in through the window would be occupied by her. Later in life when she could hang out on the back porch and not jump the baby gate, she very much enjoyed her outside sun time. She would sit so close to the heater that her hair would fall out. The last weekend she was with us, we put the electric blanket out for her. It was a happy place. 

Forever the softest kitty in the world. I will miss cleaning up the sand castles you would make with cat litter, your paws on my face at 3am, and your demanding purring. 

Say hi to Andy for us.

My first love. You're every breath that I take. You're every step I make...

Monday was my 18th wedding anniversary. Holy smokes! 

So, to celebrate(?) I am writing about love songs.

I am first to admit that I do not have my finger on the pulse of popular music anymore. I mean, I know who people are and I do know stuff (I really like Idles, and Fontaines DC). But I don't know if I could identify a FKA twigs song and I definitely couldn't tell you the name of anything that Suki Waterhouse has released. So, it will be a surprise to no one that my top 10 love song list will not contain any songs of the past few years. And probably some Lionel Richie.

Honorable mentions- Fall on Me, REM and Maps, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, When I'm With You, Sheriff, and anything by Air Supply

In making this list I realized that I could make an entire John Hughes movie AND Phil Collins post(s) about love songs. But not in the love-love way. Un-requited love. Lost love. Forbidden love. Of course, all through the scope of a teenager Erica Watson. So, when I started thinking about this blog post I took the first 13 that I wrote down. And Air Supply. Because I am not sure where one Air Supply stops and the next one begins. Below is my list with the lyrics that get me every time.

10. You Are, Lionel Richie 

                You are the sun, you are the rain, that makes my life this foolish game

9. Eternal Flame, The Bangles

                  Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling. Do you feel my heart beating?

                   Do you understand? Do you feel the same? Am I only dreaming?

SO MANY QUESTIONS!          

8. Take My Breath Away, Berlin

                    Watching in slow motion as you turn to say, my love, take my breath away

7. Tender Love, Force MDs

                    Loving me straight from the heart

6. Beautiful Ones, Prince

                    Do you want him? Or do you want me? Cause I want you! I said I want you.

MORE QUESTIONS

5. Endless Love, Diana Ross and Lionel Richie

                    I can't resist your charms

4. I Will Always Love You, Dolly Parton (Whitney Houston version and John Doe version)

                    But above all this, I wish you love

3. Golden State, John Doe

                    You are the lump in my throat...I am that falling sensation

2. Melt With You, Modern English

                    There's nothing you and I won't do

1. At Last, Etta James

                    My lonely days are over, and life is like a song

Looking at my list I guess I am/was really drawn to movie soundtrack love songs.

I couldn't tell you exactly where the Berlin song was in Top Gun, but I do remember liking the video a lot. "Tender Love," is the main love scene between the main character Blair Underwood (?) and Sheila E. A lot of back kissing. "Endless Love," I am pretty sure I did not see that movie until a TV time version was released and I just looked up the plot and honestly don't remember anything about it except the movie poster. 

"I Will Always Love You," has multiple entry points of me loving it- (jumping on the highest mountain top and yelling I love the movie The Bodyguard!) Whatever. Costner? Houston? 199whatever? Perfection. The first time I saw that movie was at a friend's house on VHS. It was pure magic. My buddy made fun of it. I probably cried and got teased about it. In the scene where Frank and Rachel are at the honky tonk type restaurant bar eating and talking (sparks are flying!) and then they dance to the John Doe version of "IWALY." Cinematic GOLD! Discovering the song years later when I became obsessed with Dolly Parton (she wrote it and recorded it in the 70s- huge hit) a few years later. And then in the 2000s when I was in a production of Hedwig and the Angry Inch. There is a part in the play where this song is mentioned. Folks from that production (one of the best times I have ever had making music and performing) are gone now, so I think of them too. 

Purple Rain, the movie, was the summer of 1985 on cable and the performance scene "Beautiful Ones" cemented my love of Prince. 

Valley Girl. Enough said.

 

The other tunes- You Are. It was the summer of a long time ago and I was deep into listening to love songs on (pause) the kost. Most were a slow to slow-mid tempo and Lionel (Richie) comes out with "You Are." It was a little fast for love songs on (pause) the kost and so it stuck out to me. And really Lionel Richie has so many love tunes. He is an American treasure. 

John Doe is my favorite. Forever. "Golden State," is one of my favorites when he plays it, and it is a me-type love song. I think it is one of the songs that my husband heard of his and thought "oh, I get it" when it comes to my super fandom.

The last tune is "At Last." Kind of cheesy, yes. But it was the song me and the hus danced to at our wedding. It wasn't our first pick (that also could be another blog post), but it was the right one.

Happy anniversary jerk face. You are the lump in my throat...

 

I could see it was a rough cut Tuesday...

 It is 2023 and I have decided to not start the year off with a blog post about death.

What is going on with the cover of "Freeze Frame" by the J. Geils Band? 

I did some light internet research and could not find much about the artist/creator of this whack-a-doodle image. In fact, the album, states that the cover art is by J. Geil's Band. On the back, the photograph is of the band in painter's clothes. The lyric sleeve inside the record has a hand paint print. So maybe they did create the cover.

So let's talk about this cover.

A silver potato guy with a human nose, and glasses. The potato guy is looking at a frame that has spaghetti, lips (coming off the frame), martini glass, an eyeball, and some words. 

Charade

Limbo

L'more

Mr. E

escape

 and some sssssssss.

And what is the person three-eyed thing? A remote control?

Is this the J.Geil's Band interpretation of the 1980s?

They started in the late 1960s and had a few hits in the 1970s, but it was their albums in the early 1980s that they had their most success. 

Trying to think of what they were thinking. Is this their interupation of where the 1980s are going? 

J Geils version of post modernism. Maybe? The EPCOT of rock music.

Kind of like Dokken and Krokus wearing makeup in their music videos. 

I just watched the Freeze Frame video and the potato-head guy smokes in it and writes memories twice.

What the heck does this all mean?