Relationships.
Trust. Honesty. Respect. Negotiation. Compromise. These are just a few things to make a relationship "work," according to an article I read on the internet. I agree, sure. But reading the article some other thoughts came to mind and I thought I would share them here.
Long haul partner type relationships I think often run into issues that can't be described with the one-word umbrella sections and maybe what "works" in 2012 might not work in 2022. People change or they don't. Interests. Priorities. Careers. General adult life stuff. These also play part in the LHR (long haul relationship, librarians love acronyms) and it is more complicated because these things can change the lens of honesty (etc) are looked through. The "work" one does on themselves can often disrupt the lens's initial focus. I know abstract. Stay with me, I have some examples.
You get together with someone when you are in your mid 20s, you both enjoy going out during the week and playing video games for hours on the weekend. You are now in your early 40s, have a job that keeps you from going out so much during the week, the doctor has told you to be more active, so instead of playing sport-type video games, you have started playing soccer on the weekends. Your partner still likes going out for happy hours and is happy to cheer you on the sidelines, but won't even walk on a treadmill.
There are probably deal breakers - the desire for children in particular that finish the LHP. Maybe a job opportunity that requires moving far away? I am sure there are plenty of others.
When you get into a LHP in your 50s, yes there is still work to be done to maintain a healthy relationship but what will be the challenges?
So if one person in the relationship is "working" on themselves and the other doesn't feel the need. What do you do?
It is a circle question because the answer is "well, it depends on..."
It depends on the relationship. The people. The circumstance.
How much do you care if your partner is engaged with you in your new interest?
If you have decided to become a vegetarian or stop drinking booze, does it matter if the other in the relationship does the same?
I don't believe that people change that much, but they do modify behaviors, beliefs, and reactions.
I kinda got lost with this post. A little on purpose I think.
Relationships take work and for a relationship to be "successful" is really in the eyes of the parties involved. The magazine article I read defined a "successful relationship" a certain way. One size does not fit all and if the relationship is LHP bound or already there the rules are constantly changing.
I am not trying to sound callous about any of this- I love my LHP and we are a strong team. We know for the most part what works to keep us in the "successful" column. But priorities, outlooks, plans, and a whole bunch of other stuff have totally changed in the 600 years that we have been together. My takeaway after reading all of this over is that the article irritated me enough that I felt compelled to write a blog post.
