Rabbit Fur Coat

My lil' daughter has great taste in music so far...I dance with her when she starts her fuss-fuss and so far she likes Squeeze, Crowded House, Jenny Lewis, The Knitters, John Doe, and The Old 97s. Also, Catpower seems to sooth her. Maybe she is getting depressed. I better skip over Nick Drake.
Anywho!
I am still not a fan of breastfeeding, it is getting better and I am sure I will have fond memories of it twenty years from now.
Last week lil' M forgot how to latch. I mean she had been doing it for a month and all of a sudden it was like Memento or something. Four weeks after I got my driver's license I didn't try to start the car from the backseat or put gasoline in the trunk. Yes, she is only four weeks old, but c'mon!
We have also introduced the bottle. She does not mind it and the thought that I don't have to wear her like a necklace is also a lot less stress for me.
When I called around to some lactation consultants to ask a few questions about pumping, bottle introduction, good formulas, etc I was surprised that of the 4 calls I made only one called me back. Since I don't use names I will refer to the one who called back as "Whore."
Whore made me feel so bad about myself right out the gate. And when I asked about having formula around in case I did not have any pumped milk, or for whatever reason (damn, it ain't none of her concern anyway) she made me feel like a HORRIBLE mother and person in general.
Fighting back tears I thanked her (I think she might have caught on that I was upset) and then stayed in bed for the rest of the day. Me and lil' M had actually a great time lounging on the bed and watching programs I had seen a million times (hello, American President). We also watched another Annette Bening joint The Kids Are Alright. I thought it was a pile of garbage, but other people like it.
I don't mean to speak ill of the profession of lactation consultants, but of the handful I have come in contact with really don't do a whole lot of consulting. There is a lot of judging and criticizing but not much else.
I start an internship tomorrow and I am super excited, but I will miss the lil' one. It will be the longest I have been away from her- four hours.

A Year in the Wilderness

I find comfort in John Doe songs. I love X, The Knitters, Auntie Christ, Exene solo and all the other side projects. But something about his solo stuff is a melancholic and a sincere reflection of a mood in which I feel very at home.
I relate to him ( I know, I know) because of his subtle California pride, which comes out in some of his light homage to the Golden State.
This was not what I was going to write about however...
Things that were not told to me about postpartum. I guess I thought you had a baby and that was it. Your body went back to normal and there you go. Uh, no.
I ended up having a C-section, but the pad and underwear you have to wear is necessary and it lasts for more than a day or two.
Contractions can last for awhile because your uterus has to go back and they can also hurt.
Stretch marks hurt and itch like a mutha.
There is apparently a rash that women can get called PUPPS that I have the pleasure of having on my legs, thighs, ass, and arms. It itches something fierce and I cannot take benedryl because I am breastfeeding. PUPPS can take up to 5 months to go away (thanks, Internet) and I am really trying to not go to the doctor. Epsom salts help and so does the magic stuff from Whole Foods.
On that note, the good nipple cream from Whole Foods stains your clothes. It works really well, though.

I love my daughter she is perfect and I would do it all over again for her.

But one and done!

Joy to the World!

I am a mother.
Weird.
Good, but weird.
She is amazing, I am totally in love with her. B is absolutely smitten with her as well and he has become quite the shitty diaper changer. I am recovering quite quickly and I am looking forward to letting her (and me) out of the house. She is still too little for big time outings, but today or tomorrow I want to take her out for a stroll.
In just two weeks I have found that it is okay to slow down and take life in. I like being busy don't get me wrong, however sitting on the bed and watching her sleep is just as satisfying.
The post I was going to write was about things they don't tell you about when you have a baby. I will save it for another time.