Flagpole Sitta

 I heard "Flagpole Sitta" on the radio yesterday. After the song was over the DJ came on and said, "Nobody remembers the name of the band that did this song. They were called Harvey Danger." For those of you who are in the know will understand while I laughed out loud when I heard this statement.

I was "working from home (and getting my hair done at the salon)" and my hairdresser and I were discussing the worst break up we had each experienced. You know, the kind when you are blindsided and your heart is ripped out and you are emotionally devastated. 

Since I have been happily married for the last 8+ years and don't really think about this stuff anymore, but it was in a weird way kind of fun to reminisce about old pain. For some reason I feel French. Anyways.

The crazy shit one will do when they are in unrealistic love is amazing. There is one person who really broke my heart and in talking with my hairdresser, I was embarrassed at some of the crazy stuff I did, thought, and said. My twenty-something self would really irritate my forty-something self if they hung out. 

Besides having nonexistent eating habits and a small drinking problem, I lived in a bit of a fantasy world when it came to what I was going to do with my life. 

There is one time that me and the boy who broke my heart wandered around the city for like 10 hours. It was magical. The conversation was filled with unrealistic scenarios and lofty goals. We ended up at Tank Hill, which has a great view of the city. I am sure we declared our love or something like that, but what I do remember is wanting the moment to last forever. It was like a romantic movie. It is no wonder I associate so much of my life to music. I am a product of the 1980s and dammit, I need a good soundtrack! 

Don't get me wrong, I worked my ass off (still do) and I was motivated to make art and stuff, but I kind of lived for the day back then. 

All during high school and until I was about 20, I had a reoccurring dream that I died on my 34th birthday. It was because I had that dream weekly for 5 years that I did not think about "the future." When I actually reached my thirties things changed and I got older, wiser, and blah, blah, blah.

I am glad that I had the heartbreak. It made me appreciate what came next.