Do the Collapse

My friend died.
It seems like every few blog posts involve a death of someone who I care about...

This friend was someone who I had grown close to in the past few years. I had known her forever, and we were definitely hanging out friends, but not really know your inside feeling kind of friends.
I heard the song "The Greatest," by Catpower and it made me think of her.
How did this song even come up? Yes, I own this record but I probably haven't put it in the  CD player for well over 6 years.
A few days ago the song played on KALX and I broke down in tears in my kitchen while I was washing dishes. I cried because of loss, but what got me was the phrasing of the song. It reminded me of her. Catpower's tune "The Greatest," has such deliberate phrasing that it reminds me of the way my friend talked. She typically chose her words very carefully before speaking.
Through my tears, I also recalled a conversation we had before she got sick.
We were talking about how things still matter, but that there is not the urgency of everything like it was when we were younger. Also, the measure of failure is different. If you try something and it doesn't work out then don't consider it a failure. Yes, you may fail at something, but it doesn't define you. It is part of the life ride and one can learn from it and move on, or they can wallow.
The first stanza from Catpower's song hits that conversation right on the head for me.

Once I wanted to be the greatest
No wind or waterfall could stall me
And then came the rush of the flood
Stars at night turned deep to dust

Yes. Yes. The post title for this entry is a GBV (Guided by Voices) reference, but I am not a fan really (she liked them a lot and was in the GBV cult for a while), and I don't really know their material and so, not my soundtrack.
Besides, I have a layered relationship with Catpower and I think it represents the friendship I had with my friend.  Meaning there was a surface friendship that had portions of it where there were deeper layers to it. I think we both respected each other and appreciated our approach to things, which was totally different most of the time.


It is a little funny to me that Catpower is the artist since my friend did not care for female singers. Though I suspect some of that had to do with the fact that her husband loves strummy-strummy acoustic women musicians. And to respect her memory I did not choose a Sleater-Kinney song since she really hated that band.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QT9qM99l9Yk

Super Awesome: All the people in the dance will agree - that we'r...

Super Awesome: All the people in the dance will agree - that we'r...: When I was in Junior High my mom and stepdad bought a house in Long Beach, California. They put it on the market a couple of weeks ago. The...

All the people in the dance will agree - that we're well qualified to represent the LBC

When I was in Junior High my mom and stepdad bought a house in Long Beach, California.

They put it on the market a couple of weeks ago. They lived the house for over 30 years. 

I moved away from Long Beach when I was 20 and came back a life time later and lived back in the LBC for 7 years and then left about 3 1/2 years ago.

I never totally felt at home living there when I came back, but the home that my parents lived in always had a familiarity that I found comfort in.

When I was in high school, my grandmother (#greatestpersonever) moved in with us. And when I was in my 20s she passed away in that house. 

I spent every Christmas (except one) there. My friends threw my wedding shower at that house. A group of us stayed there when we went to our 10 year high school reunion.

It is strange because I am not sentimental about the house, per se, but just about certain things about the house.

The carpet in the family room. The view from the front bedroom. The double vanity in the bathroom.

Driving in the neighborhood.
There are only a handful of friends left in Long Beach that I would see when I came to visit. It will be strange when I go back to visit them, because I won't stay at mom's house. Pretty sure that will be super weird the first time I go back.