If you're on your own -in this life. The days and nights are long...

Another loss. Another loss. Another f#@%ing loss.

A friend. A good friend and even better friend to one of my best friends and my husband died.

Unexpected. Sudden. 

In the past 5 years I have lost a handful of friends. I know we all die, I was just  hoping for more years with all of these people. Tragic accident. Cancer. And the ones for me that hurt the most are the ones that are sudden. Where they were getting back on track and did they take a step back? Such unforgiving demons. Bahhh. It is hard to know these days what stage of grief I am in. There is overlap and things are murky. Taking deep breaths and just letting tears fall. 

I watched all 5 episodes of "It's a Sin" and I am using it as a tool to help with my grief. 

If you don't know the show, it follows a group of gay men in London during the beginning of the AIDS epidemic. Just about everyone dies in the show (I don't think I am ruining it -given the subject) and it is really sad. It is sad how parents treat their their sick children, how the medical profession treats the patients and how the group at first does not understand and many of them do not accept that this mystery illness is a threat. For the characters who do not get sick and die their narrative is that of how they take care of their friends and process the loss. Crying for the characters and friends, there is a overlap and things are murky.

I am guilty of compartmentalism and so I fault no one with thinking that they can handle it. Whatever "it" is...

The picture for the obituary that was used he would have never approved of and that did make me laugh.

This has become a blog of sadness. My apologies.

I have so many ideas that I will explore soon:

Driving apps are pretty dumb most of the time.

What makes a good love song.

Birding observations.

But until then love your friends, they are your chosen family.