Do the Collapse

My friend died.
It seems like every few blog posts involve a death of someone who I care about...

This friend was someone who I had grown close to in the past few years. I had known her forever, and we were definitely hanging out friends, but not really know your inside feeling kind of friends.
I heard the song "The Greatest," by Catpower and it made me think of her.
How did this song even come up? Yes, I own this record but I probably haven't put it in the  CD player for well over 6 years.
A few days ago the song played on KALX and I broke down in tears in my kitchen while I was washing dishes. I cried because of loss, but what got me was the phrasing of the song. It reminded me of her. Catpower's tune "The Greatest," has such deliberate phrasing that it reminds me of the way my friend talked. She typically chose her words very carefully before speaking.
Through my tears, I also recalled a conversation we had before she got sick.
We were talking about how things still matter, but that there is not the urgency of everything like it was when we were younger. Also, the measure of failure is different. If you try something and it doesn't work out then don't consider it a failure. Yes, you may fail at something, but it doesn't define you. It is part of the life ride and one can learn from it and move on, or they can wallow.
The first stanza from Catpower's song hits that conversation right on the head for me.

Once I wanted to be the greatest
No wind or waterfall could stall me
And then came the rush of the flood
Stars at night turned deep to dust

Yes. Yes. The post title for this entry is a GBV (Guided by Voices) reference, but I am not a fan really (she liked them a lot and was in the GBV cult for a while), and I don't really know their material and so, not my soundtrack.
Besides, I have a layered relationship with Catpower and I think it represents the friendship I had with my friend.  Meaning there was a surface friendship that had portions of it where there were deeper layers to it. I think we both respected each other and appreciated our approach to things, which was totally different most of the time.


It is a little funny to me that Catpower is the artist since my friend did not care for female singers. Though I suspect some of that had to do with the fact that her husband loves strummy-strummy acoustic women musicians. And to respect her memory I did not choose a Sleater-Kinney song since she really hated that band.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QT9qM99l9Yk

Super Awesome: All the people in the dance will agree - that we'r...

Super Awesome: All the people in the dance will agree - that we'r...: When I was in Junior High my mom and stepdad bought a house in Long Beach, California. They put it on the market a couple of weeks ago. The...

All the people in the dance will agree - that we're well qualified to represent the LBC

When I was in Junior High my mom and stepdad bought a house in Long Beach, California.

They put it on the market a couple of weeks ago. They lived the house for over 30 years. 

I moved away from Long Beach when I was 20 and came back a life time later and lived back in the LBC for 7 years and then left about 3 1/2 years ago.

I never totally felt at home living there when I came back, but the home that my parents lived in always had a familiarity that I found comfort in.

When I was in high school, my grandmother (#greatestpersonever) moved in with us. And when I was in my 20s she passed away in that house. 

I spent every Christmas (except one) there. My friends threw my wedding shower at that house. A group of us stayed there when we went to our 10 year high school reunion.

It is strange because I am not sentimental about the house, per se, but just about certain things about the house.

The carpet in the family room. The view from the front bedroom. The double vanity in the bathroom.

Driving in the neighborhood.
There are only a handful of friends left in Long Beach that I would see when I came to visit. It will be strange when I go back to visit them, because I won't stay at mom's house. Pretty sure that will be super weird the first time I go back.

Hello, I must be going...

I am in the middle of reading the Phil Collins autobiography.

It is a great read.

Of course since it is me I am going deep into the Collins catalog.

Besides the big roomy gated drum sound, his songwriting and vocals are really emotional as well.

His schmaltzy words epitomize the 1980s in a way that kind of defines a time once past.

If I may be so bold and draw some lines that Phil Collins did what Beethoven did in his latter period in that he created "music as drama." Using his compositions to reflect on his own struggles. Yes, yes I know that many, many, MANY artists do this...I guess what I am getting at is that I think Phil Collins' body of work should be noticed academically. 

I have participated in many discussions about who will be remembered and studied from the popular music in the 20th and 21st century. There has been much discovery in the social context angle of music study and I think there is definitely room for study of Phil Collins' music. 

His drum sound is recognizable and his song writing (not in all cases) memorable. 

Besides his own material he was the drummer on recordings by Brian Eno, Peter Gabriel, Robert Plant, Eric Clapton, Quincy Jones, and of course, Band Aid's "Do They Know It's Christmas?"

I want to delve into his songwriting.

Yes, they are put in some kind of AABA kind of variation, but the lyrical content at times is so dramatic that it reminds me of opera like Tosca, Carmen, or one of Verdi's works.

It reflects on heartbreak that was pre-internet. This mix tape ethos of having to use your imagination to what a love lost is up to...

Some of the phrases that I think reflect this notion of love heartbreak.

So take a look at me now
Well there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face

I try to forget and yet, still rush to the telephone
I'm waiting in line
Would you say if I was wasting my time

Leave me alone with my heart
I'm putting the pieces back together again
Just leave, leave me alone with my dreams
I can do without you, know what I mean

There must be some misunderstanding
There must be some kind of mistake I waited in the rain for hours
And you were late




His delivery is also so very important in selling the pain. What makes this authentic is that most of his songs are about heartache that he experienced. Heartache not in a tortured kind of way, but a more everyperson kind of way.


A colleague of mine pointed out the other day that wondering what someone is up to is gone. Just message them on Facebook or check their Instagram. If you want to tell them how you feel with song, curate a Spotify playlist for them and don’t forget to include some Phil Collins. He knows that you can’t hurry love.

Function is the key...

LIVE 105 changed their name to the New Alt 105. I guess it is time to rename rock music?
It is interesting to me  that popular (and semi-popular) music gets re-categorized as it ages. Led Zeppelin was once hard rock and now it is classic rock.  There are old school funk, soul and R&B radio stations that play music that  at one time did not have the term "old school," in front of it.
Unlike music that is often categorized as "classical."
This is a total side note, but I do not like that term, since there is an accepted time period of music called classical, which Mozart is part of and it can be confusing, because the "classical" art period is WAY earlier. Anyway...that is another blog post entry... Classical music or art music, or whatever it is called is often defined by the era for which it was written.
Middle Ages
Renaissance
Baroque
Classical
Romantic
Etc...
Now don't get me wrong, I am completely aware of the issues with this classification. There is a hierarchy, it is linear, and it often disregards non-written music. Again, another blog post entry.

Dang, my mind is wandering. What was my point?
Oh yeah, rock music is changing.

During my youth, there was underground or college rock and modern rock. The difference was that some music was only played "left of the dial," and some was only played on the Live 105s or KROQs. Now to be clear, I am only delving into one area of rock music. The one that sides on the New Wave (another genre) or bands with synthesizers and the second British Invasion, which moved back to the states and into alternative, and then pivoted to indie rock.

I think it is interesting to see where this all going. It seems with technology anybody can self-produce and put something on youtube, bandcamp, and soundcloud. So if the indie production part is not where the distinction comes in, where is it?


Music genres have long been a mind map of cluster tomatoes in describing a sound. I taught a class a few years ago and I asked my class to shout out genres of music. It was incredible. There wasn't a spot left on the board.
So taking in the rock genres that are inspired by the 1980s/90s rock bands by the likes of Sebadoh, Dinosaur Jr., My Bloody Valentine, Fugazi, Bikini Kill, and like a million other bands what is the new definition?

Is there one?

Could it be in the promotion?

Is there an app for that?

So. Central Rain

"You might need this." my friend said and handed me a handkerchief.  We were getting ready to leave to view the body of our friend who had been killed- the victim of a hit and run.
That was in June of last year and since then have kept the handkerchief in my bag.
It gives me comfort knowing that it is there.
Since then I have wanted to contact my friend who died 71 times.
Most of the 71 times were not important things. Mostly I saw this thing and thought of you. One time a few months ago, I got super sad that I couldn't talk to my friend about an academic article I had read about manufactured nationalism in music of the early 1900s.
She had left academia, but I could coax her on occasion to delve in and discuss nerdy music topics with me. I am putting together a lecture series for my other job and I would have loved to have bent her ear and bounced off suggestions to her and get her input.
Today I saw a woman wearing a coat with Daleks lining the bottom seam. She would have liked that coat.
I love my friends.

I get knocked down, but I get up again. You are never gonna keep me down.

I have been looking for a new job for about a year. I thought the job I am currently working could be a forever job, but alas, it is not. So, I am searching for new opportunities.
This past year, I have had quite a few interviews and some I know I bombed (I am looking at you Fremont) and others I have felt pretty good about, but didn't get for whatever reason.
Yesterday, I heard from a position that I interviewed for (which I was really pumped about) and the answer was no thanks.
They sent me an email, which is fine, but I interviewed for 4 hours and I thought they would have called. But whatever, everyone has a way.
So I ask myself what could have I done differently, better, and that sort of stuff.
Was I not a good fit because of my personality?
Did I divulge too much information? Not enough?
Did they not like my suit? My hair? My face?

For years I was on the other end of that and I get it...You just know. Or at least you think you know.

I have to believe that there is a good fit for me out there somewhere. I know what I am looking for  and this last rejection, is where I pivot.

I got a ton of ideas that don't really work for my library. But I will see if other libraries want to work with me to try out some of my ideas.
Also, I will submit my proposals for conferences, articles for publications and the like.

No hard feelings for those who rejected me, maybe an opportunity to collaborate on something else.

I did chuckle to myself though when I found out that a job I interviewed for and didn't get was looking again to fill the position. The person they hired didn't work out.

Tubthumping.